My last ditch effort to hang on to summer
Dress: Shopruche (old)
Opening up a little bit today...
Lately, I had been feeling really insufficient as a mom and as a person. Last month I wasn't around much for Grace because I was pretty involved with work related things. It only takes one month for a child to notice that a parent hasn't been as present. Grace didn't want me anymore! I use to put her to sleep, and but she kept pushing me away. If Aaron and I were together playing with her, she would rather crawl towards him and sit on his lap. If I held her and someone else came along, she would immediately want to squirm away from me. One time, I tried to put her to sleep- she slapped me, pushed me away and tried to run away from me in bed- frantically crawling towards the door, screaming "baba!! baba!!"
I know she doesn't mean anything by this, and she is just expressing some of her preferences, but I just couldn't help but feel unloved. Then the feelings of blame started- "it's my fault that she doesn't prefer you, how come you weren't around more? Maybe if you breastfed more, she would be closer to you. You've always been so busy and now your daughter doesn't prefer you"... blah blah blah.
My best friends, Rachelle, Beverly and I have been lifting each other up in prayer through emails. Both of them have little ones, and we are all going through our own types of struggles. They reminded me why we are praying everyday for the physical, spiritual and emotional well-beings of our children. Grace has her preferences right now, and that's okay! The selfish side of me wanted Grace to love me and show it through physical affection all the time, with greater preference towards me than anyone else because I'm her mom! I needed to understand and be okay with the fact that it doesn't always have to manifest that way. Being a mom has given me so much more insight and understanding of our loving God and the unconditional love He shows us everyday, yet we continue to push Him away. Despite all that, His intentions and love for us never change. I know that Grace will continue to change as she grows, but I hope that she grows while fixating her eyes upon Jesus, be willing and teachable towards the word, and grow to be in His likeness.
These pictures of Grace and I warmed my heart because it reminded me that she does love me. We are the world to her. She runs to us for comfort and support, and she always wants to be around us. I hope that will never change :)
Have a great laborday weekend!
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DRESS!
ReplyDeletehttp://style-squared.blogspot.ca/
I love your beautiful floral dress. Even more lovely is your motherly love for your daughter. With your actions, I believe that she will find His wonderful love. Her name is a beautiful reminder.
ReplyDeleteYou look gorgeous! Love the last picture of you hugging Grace :)
ReplyDeleteYes, children do show their preferences very openly. But her hug in the last picture shows she loves you. And believe me, a daughter's love for her mother keeps growing :)
http://everythingthatclicks.blogspot.com
Beautiful dress! And that photo of you and Grace is just precious. I started working more recently too, and it's not easy to balance career and family life. Just remember that quality of time spent together is just as important as quantity! :) Have a great weekend!
ReplyDeleteThere is such a strange bond between daughter and mother.. I am sure very soon she will run towards you , just some time.. I must be very hard for you also to be away from her..
ReplyDeleteU look soooo pretty..
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You look so pretty Christy. I love this dress on you. I can relate with you on this post about feeling not love. Sometimes I feel the same way towards my son and he's already 8. Yesterday he came home and did not even came to me for a hug or a kiss. I have a lot of this days lately and I am staying at home for almost a year. I let him know how I felt and I am kinda angry or disappointed. His father talked to him about it and he apologize but the stubborn me did not think he meant it at that time. Last night he apologize and I accepted it because I know this time he's sincere. He told me that i know mommy when I make you mad or do something like that, your heart breaks. Have a great weekend and Grace is just adorable and i know she loves you very much !
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Sam
http://fabulouspetite.blogspot.com
Thanks you for sharing this! It is such a great reminder of God's love for us. You look beautiful and these pictures of you and Grace are perfection.
ReplyDeleteGinny
You look so sweet in this dress, Christine. Thanks for sharing your story. I've been through the same thing with my oldest one many times. They are called stages. It's perfectly normal. Also, girls tend to favor their fathers just as boys tend to favor mothers. Grace is still pretty young and trying to figure out everything. I know she has nothing but pure love for you. Enjoy your long weekend with the family =)
ReplyDeleteChristy, u're so elegant & pretty in these pics with the lovely floral dress! Thank u for opening up & being honest with us viewers as well. Grace will never ever stop loving you as so do you so that love & bond will always shine through and never grow apart :) Being a mom is seriously really tough and I could never imagine how it is til' later on with my own child! Admiration to u, Christy!! Have a great long weekend!
ReplyDeletewww.speakstyleandrock.com
Such a gorgeous dress and wonderful pictures! I'm glad to hear you were able to get through some of these thoughts and letting this phase run its course. Thank you for sharing your story, we do not have children yet, but when we do, it will be good to know this:)
ReplyDeleteBeautiful dress! I know how you feel. After I had my daughter, my son gave me the cold shoulder. It was heart breaking that he clung to dad and ignored me. But he came around!! Every kid goes through attachment phases. It's certainly not your fault.
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ReplyDeleteBeautiful dress with an even more beautiful message. You are truly blessed to have friends in Christ to share this journey called "parenthood" with you. Thank you for sharing your heart with your readers. God bless!
ReplyDeletexo
www.theworkplacechic.com
That dress is so cute! I'm sure your daughter loves you, don't worry! It's good you have friends to lean on for support and advice :)
ReplyDeleteheyniki.wordpress.com
Aww, sweet! Thanks for being so open. I can tell that your daughter loves her mom and dad so much. I am glad that you have great accountability partners that are walking this journey with you.
ReplyDelete-Karen
www.yourstylistkaren.com
Christy, this post was so touching. Grace loves you. She loves you very much. Don't let her actions deter you. Children that young can't always express things. Your love for her is endless. Continue showing that and spending time when you can. I know your job keeps your busy and many mothers go through the same thing. You're not alone. Parenting is challenging on so many levels. Pray, remain positive and keep a strong faith. These pictures of you are so pretty! Your dress is lovely. Christy, I absolutely love your spirit! I hope you don't mind, but I sent you a FR on Facebook (Kim E Alston) I would love to be friends with you. No pressure if you don't want to. I only have a select few of bloggers on my page. I would love for you to be one of them. Wishing you an amazing weekend.
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It's a very short phase, I promise. I remember worrying so much about it when my kids were young. But at that age they don't remember those missed moments, or a lot of the wonderful treats either :) But you will and with all the photos everyone takes now, they'll have wonderful moments to cherish. Don't fret a moment! And your friends sound wonderful!
ReplyDeletexo ~kim & chloe
There is no substitute for Mama... and praying for your kids is the best thing you can do for her! Thanks for being real!
ReplyDeleteHope
hchdesigns.blogspot.com
You are beautiful. I love your dress! Would love if you could check out my blog and let me know what you think. :)
ReplyDeletewww.hixvoltage.blogspot.sg (I follow back)
you look so beautiful <3
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful, heartfelt and honest post! I don't have kids, but I think I can understand your distress: it's so hard to juggle so many things in a woman's life: work, family, marriage, friends...sometimes we are solicited from so many places and it's hard to prioritize! I keep my fingers crossed for you!
ReplyDeletePS: That dress is a real stunner! I'm in love with the print and the cut. You look fantastic!
xx Ivana
Macarons and Pearls
What a pretty dress on you!
ReplyDeleteI know I always say this, but these pictures are so absolutely sweet and precious :) It's undeniable that Grace is growing up with a tremendous amount of love and I'm sure she knows that. I admire you for being a woman with a career as one that is a wife and mother too first and foremost.
ReplyDeleteHey first up, that's such a lovely summer dress! The colours and prints are just perfect! Hey I can totally identify with you. I just returned to work after my maternity leave and I leave him with my mother-in-law. Sometimes I do get teeny weeny jealous when my baby shows preferences for my MIL and I hate to feel this way. I should really be grateful that my MIL is taking such good care of my baby and I can go back to work.
ReplyDeleteFang Ting
ftashion
Aww such beautiful pictures! I adore your sundress - the colors are so pretty - and you look stunning! Lovely post to end the summer
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katsfashionfix.blogspot.com
Lovely dress and the last two pictures melt my heart!
ReplyDeletexoxo
www.cakeandcouture.com
What a sweet story to complement a sweet dress :-)
ReplyDeleteGorgeous dress. I'm totally with you on summer not ending. Don't ever forget that your daughter will always need you. I know how you feel.I feel like when I'm working and then come home my son tends to go more to my husband. Don't let that make you think she doesn't need or love you, because she does.
ReplyDeleteDon't forget to stop by and link up this Thursday for my weekly Tres-Chic Fashion Thursday Link Up.
Agi:)
vodkainfusedlemonade.com
Oh how sweet you look in that dress. Yes, Summer is almost a faint memory as Fall approaches.
ReplyDeletePlease don't worry as your little sweet girl will come around. You are an awesome mother who is providing a future for her daughter. You are setting a wonderful example for her, even though she does not realize it yet. Please give yourself a break and don't put on any guilt.
Smile and know that God loves you and will guide your through this time.
You look gorgeous! And those pictures of you and Grace are just precious!
ReplyDeleteHave a great day!
Grace
A Southern Drawl
Lovely photos...I'm loving the rustic background :) Aaron is getting so good with his photography! I admire you working mothers...I can't imagine having to split time with work, life, and children...you are superwoman!!
ReplyDeleteNo worries about this past weekend :) I hope you had fun filming the movie!!
Veloria in Velvet
www.veloriainvelvet.wordpress.com
Aww, I'm sorry you had to go through with that :( But like you said, she clearly still loves her mommy :) The dress looks beautiful on you, very summery. And the lighting in these pictures is so dreamy!
ReplyDeleteMili from call me, Maeby
Even though I'm not a Mother yet, I have heard the same type of feelings from my other friends who are Mothers and I just wanted to remind you that you're not alone and it's normal to feel that way sometimes. Just remember that you are an amazing Mother and Grace is lucky to be surrounded by so much love. As a girl, I think we all know that we go through ups and downs with our Mothers (childhood, the terrible teenage years. etc) but I think it holds true that a mother's bond with their child will always be the strongest and love is unconditional and their children always know that :) Can't wait to hear more about your filming experience by the way!!! Have a great day!
ReplyDeletexx,
Christine
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